Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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