dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
try to milk me bitch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
