you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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