Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
