I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Alive.
So much puke
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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