You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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