Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
