i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
