epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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