I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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