Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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