lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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