I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
