I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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