i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
