Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
