: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
tell me about the eggs
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