Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
