i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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