Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
