i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
