tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
