Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
