You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she looked like the before picture.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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