I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
