D3 body, D1 cock
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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