i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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