you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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