some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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