Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize