I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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