Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
