It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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