Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
