I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
thus making me awesome and them whores
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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