Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
