The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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