I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
