i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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