I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
