He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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