Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
