If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum