i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
