It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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