remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
