Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
