She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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