i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
