This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
