you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
