I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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