you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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