dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
