loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
