you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
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Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize