I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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