I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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