There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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