ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
