I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
