it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dick has a subreddit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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