No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
