My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
