I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
