And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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